a book!

I’m writing a book.

Whew.  It takes a whole lot of courage to admit that I’m working on this project.

Maybe I’m scared of it not happening?  Or maybe I’m overwhelmed by enthusiasm? Maybe I still think it’s silly and trivial?

I’m about halfway done with the first draft and 120-something pages in, so I think I can admit that I’m writing now.  And I’m slowly accepting the idea that my words have value, purpose and can help others.


It’s good, hard work.  It’s a book about grief (who would have guessed?) and creativity and faith.  It’s a book that shares parts of our story and follows specific topics that have been on my mind a lot over the years, including lament, identity, hope, joy, and the power sharing our stories.  Most of the outline of it came to me as I grieved Clive’s death, and I’ve added a lot more as I’ve grieved Winnie’s death.

It’s both practical and vulnerable, and I hope it cultivates journeys of creativity and faith as people grieve.  My vision for it is to be a beautiful, visual work that comforts, inspires, and helps people working through grief of any kind.

I’m not the most talented writer, but I have a story to share.  If I truly believe in the power of story I won’t let fear of English hold me back.  (Plus, that’s what editors are for!).  I’m not an expert on words, or art, or faith, but I’ve had my share of experience with grief and I’ve learned so much.  I’ve taken the time to sit, learn, process, and grieve–on repeat.  Writing helps me, but I don’t do it for myself.  I share because I believe it matters and that all our stories matter in the Big Story of the world.

I’ve worried that this is the wrong time for me to work on a project this big.  It’s hard to carve out hours at a time to work on writing with a little one year old that adores attention.  But, it’s worth the work and I’m able to utilize the village that is surrounding me to help.

I’ve worried that all the books have been written already, but a friend reassured me that a book is always worth writing.  So, even if the only copies are sold to my parents (thanks, mom and dad), I’ll write it.

I’ll write it for me and Clive and Winnie and anyone who is grieving, and I’ll pray that it helps someone in their own journey.

I’ll write the book that I’d want to give my best friend if she lost a child.  A gift of beauty and love, encouragement and support.

I’ll write the book that captures the practical reality of the world in which we live—and how we need to navigate that world—as well as the spiritual and creative existence our souls have.

I’ll write the book that allows freedom in wrestling through difficult questions of faith.

It’s an exciting and scary thing to announce.  Thank you for joining me in the excitement!

It won’t be done for a while—sometime next year, but stay tuned and I’ll share a bit more.  I welcome any advice from those of you with experience.  I have lots of ideas that I’m not ready to share yet, but I am so excited to create this beautiful book.

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7 thoughts on “a book!

  1. tristabrazan says:

    Hi there!!

    I’m publishing my first book sharing stories from the first four years of my youngest daughter’s life. She was born with half a heart and a genetic disorder. We’ve been told more times than anyone can count that she would die. I’ve long passed the “anticipated grief” stage, but for now she is stable and we are blessed. Like you, I never fancied myself a writer, and I share similar fears. However, my faith is bigger than my fear. My book was written for me, my family, my community and hopefully someone who finds my words helpful and comforting. Feel free to contact me if you want to chat!


  2. thepensivedreamer says:

    I have never written a book but I have thought about it a million times over and I know what holds me back. Lack of time is not the issue. It can be managed. I think we fear reliving all of those moments again as we pen them. We fear digging up the feelings either we had bottled up or had distracted ourselves from somehow. When something bad happens, I keep hoping that its only a dream but obviously its not. And when I start writing about it to lighten the load, it hits me again and again like a wave.
    Your story is unique to you and so is your experience. How you learnt to deal with it and move on, only you can tell. So don’t worry. People write about grief because there are those out there who need it and sometimes a very simple statement from you is the only thread somebody is holding on to for their dear life.
    Good luck with your book. And you are one courageous person to take this step. mind it!! 🙂
    Looking forward to reading it. 🙂


      • thepensivedreamer says:

        Thankyou. 🙂 It’s definitely one of the best compliments I have ever received. Well, you will be my inspiration for sure. 🙂 And I do hope my journey is worth it. 😉 right now I am just going round and round. 😀 do let me know when your book comes out. 🙂


  3. Lea says:

    Oh Rachel this is so exciting! You will touch many lives through this, just your words through this blog and Instagram have impacted me greatly! Prayers for this important work!!!!


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