blessed in the brokeness

I’ve shared before that there is such a beauty in the place of brokenness and surrender.  When I have–or rather perceive to have– control over life, there is less need for dependence upon Christ for daily sustenance.  In the beatitudes (Matthew 5), Jesus says:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

I remember reading this last summer and truly understanding that blessing.  I wrote those verses in my journal and then wrote this:

Out of overflow of God’s comfort and love in my heart, I was able to write those words just a couple weeks after Clive passed.  He is such a great Comforter.  In the midst of such hurt and brokenness, there is such an intimacy with Him.  From that intimacy overflows such blessing.

I remember wondering how people could enter into that intimacy in other moments of life.  How do we do that in the perfect, beautiful, pain-free moments?  By recognizing the brokenness around us in the world.  Our hurting country, our hurting friends.  By entering into that with our brothers and sisters.  By seeing the beautiful joy and blessing in that broken dependence.  It’s not all sack-cloth and ashes, although there is a time for that.  In fact, it is such comfort and love and living hope.  It is truly life, not the fluff.

We have so many unanswered questions, and we’re confused as to why we are traveling what feels like a familiar road again.  But, I remind myself, it is a new road with the same Guide.  We trust Him.

So many of us never have an answer for our suffering.  Even Job, the most notorious sufferer in human history, never knew that his suffering and his continued faith in God– despite enormous hardships– would provide encouragement to people for thousands of years.

In this waiting time, as we pray for Winnie’s brain to heal, I have an amazing chance to live out (again) what I’ve learned.  I have a chance to hope, trust, lean deeper still into His presence, and receive blessing in the midst.  All else fades away.

May I seek total dependence on Him, rather than pursuing stability or the comfort of the world.  May I daily surrender everything in pursuit of him.

In that, each day is another one lived in faith and, by God’s grace, joy.

It’s inexpressible and glorious joy.

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. – 1 Peter 1:8

It’s a joy that doesn’t make sense. Because how could we have joy in the midst of such turmoil?  How could we have peace and rest in the wait?  Because, God.

We’re not special, and we don’t have a remarkable faith.  But we do serve and love a remarkable God.  A God with wounds, a God who understands, and a God that never leaves us.

As I sit again in this blessing of complete dependence upon Him, I am enjoying the clarity of mind that it offers me.  I am allowing time to capture my thoughts and cling to them, that I will not forget this beautiful brokenness.  Like Mary, I’m treasuring all these things and pondering them in my heart.

Someday, we’ll share these beautiful treasured stories of ours with our children.  We’ll tell them of God’s steadfast love.  They will know His goodness.

May you know His love and goodness.  Don’t just watch from the side, but please enter into understanding and loving the Father who loves you.  May you be blessed.

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