happy birthday from your mama

Happy birthday, little one.
I think back on the past year and feel that too much time has passed since I last smelled you, and touched you, and kissed your head.  It was a lifetime ago.


In the moments I feel robbed from so many years with you, I remember all the sweet moments I had carrying you for 228 days and being by your side for 39 days.  When I think of all the love and joy you brought (and still bring) me, I feel grateful.  To be chosen as your mom, in all the world. 
I learned so much in my time with you, and God’s still teaching my heart more each day.  Compassion, patience, gratitude, appreciation.

I don’t know much about what heaven looks like, and it feels confusing to me to spend too much time trying to think that one out.  But I know that the presence of Jesus is there, and I know there is peace and perfection.  I wish my dreams could be filled of visions of you there, but they haven’t come.  I had a vision of this perfect forest filled with moss and ferns and children playing.  A little picture Eden, paradise, heaven.  I’m thankful for that. 

For your birthday, I’m joining you in worshiping God.  Someday, we’ll do it together. 
You are so loved and missed and cherished.
Your mama

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